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Some useful tips about 'Meeting the
Parents'...
by
Ian McNeice
Okay so you have
met the love of your life. You have been safely
cocooned in your love nest and things have been
going fabulously. You guys are getting pretty
serious and its time to take things to the next
level due to inquisitive phone calls from keenly
interested parents. Lets face it, you are
dreading it. Your private life is about to be
held open to scrutiny by people you know to be
scrupulously honest. This is dangerous territory
dear reader.
The first danger is that your
parents could confirm something you have already thought of but
discounted. You know that they have a lazy eye but you don't
need it bringing up over tea and biscuits. Now we certainly
don't need a good time ruining so we hope that we are wrong. The
next is that parents have high expectations and standards for
their offspring and the person you are about to drag through
their pristine front door is about to be interrogated like a war
criminal. Woe betide them if they fail the interview as it can
leave you feeling isolated. On the other hand its possible your
parents could simply be embarrassing by pulling out photo albums
of the time when you had Mumps aged 3.
Friendly parents are lovely and
you will always feel far worse as the offspring than the love of
your life who has never met them before because you are fearing
the embarrassment factor. They are not. If your new love is
flirtatious you can be driven up the wall by their over friendly
behavior and your mom or dad taking a shine to them. There again
you must also take into consideration the awkwardness that could
ensue due to parental excesses and eccentricities. You may have
grown used to your father's liking from swinging from the
branches of a tree in the garden but your date may be somewhat
shocked.
Of course before any first
meeting there is always that amazing briefing you get in the car
on the way. Parents of course never live round the corner, but
usually about 30 miles+ away. On the way you will explain about
all the little foibles and eccentricities, things to watch out
for, apologies in advance. Things to say and things not to say
etc. My favorite was when I dated an Italian girl. I visited
Florence to visit and had to formally ask her father permission
to escort her after 10.30pm at night. I was ushered into his
study where I appeared to have encountered Marlon Brando from
the Godfather. Unfortunately he spoke no English. I had to spend
3 hours in there and we used sign language. He enjoyed my silly
efforts and granted permission!
Then again you may be the
visiting lover who is being introduce din which case you are
either going to be not good enough for daddy's little princess
of mommy's little soldier. Its a fact. Well that's what you feel
on the way and play repeatedly though various scenarios that
could develop. What happens if the toilet won't flush, what
happens if I accidentally break a Ming vase or start cursing
uncontrollably for absolutely no reason. And so the stress
levels mount accordingly.
Usually when we get introduced to
parents they are really looking forward to meeting us as long as
we aren't the 20th that month. Parents simply want their
children to be happy in life and love and as long as their
prospective partners are nice then that's fine. Or so you think.
Remember that at the back of the mind is the thought that you
could end up being one of the family and who exactly will be
paying for the wedding anyway! So it pays to make a real effort
and be conscientious on this occasion.
If you mess things up you can be
jeopardizing your own relationship so try and be on form, take a
small gift with you and have your wits about you and your sense
of humor switched up high. Is meeting the parents really that
important? yes it can be, it depends on many factors like
closeness of family and age etc. But in the end we all seek some
kind of acceptance for our newly-chosen partner, we want to be
told we have made a very good choice. And who better to do it
than the people closest. A necessary hurdle that you must leap.
Things to Remember on a first
visit:
-
Be polite and show respect
-
Don't have a hangover from
the night before
-
Don't ever refer to sex and
your partner
-
Don't ask if you can sleep
together at their house
-
Take small gift with you that
has been researched
-
Refer to the parents formally
unless invited otherwise
-
Do not drink alcohol unless
invited
-
Never attempt to smoke, even
in the garden or yard
-
Never refuse food and drink.
Accept graciously
-
Do show humor and character
but not too much
-
Do think through some basic
questions they may ask
-
Do not be evasive about your
work or career
-
Dress well and look
presentable
-
Avoid any form of bad
language
-
Think of the entire situation
as a small interview
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